China=My New Home

Hey ya'll, I'm in China. Me, Chris Ketner, is living life in Asia. I know, hard to believe, but its true, so here is a brief account of the main events of the first day in China.

What seemed to be the most disorienting flight, which was advertised as a 16 hour flight, but could not have been more than 3 or 4 hours. This sensation was probably created by Maddy and My drug induced coma, which caused us to sleep well over 8 hours. When we got to Shanghai, it still didn't fell like we were in China, a country which was closed to outsiders for so long. Maddy and I immediately changed money and then went to pick up our bags.

Once we got our bags, we had to go and re-check them for the connecting flight to Chengdu. We all got in line at this little re-check place, just outside of baggage claim. Of course at 5am, it wasn't opened. At 5:30ish a lady comes up in a military style uniform and tells us we have to send our bags through an ex-ray machine, that was behind we were lined up. So about 100 people, who were in the front row, crammed back around to the ex-ray, and we were now in the back. The lady at the ex-ray, just said to start sending bags through. While trying her worst at crowd control, she neglected to watch the ex-ray monitor, making this extra bit of security pointless and hilariously circus-like. Once the circus got into full swing, cast members and kid's moms had to load luggage onto the conveyor belt and then push through, with luggage carts in tow, through the mob of confused and irritated Americans, waiting to put their bags through. Once the bags came out the other side, they began to pile up, making the floor look like the floor of a neglected factory assembly line; neglected by the worker who had a massive diarrhea attack and forgot to turn of the conveyor belt. Each bag kept coming through, nudging the others out of the way, until there was a clog of bags in the ex-ray machine. The whole time, the one guard is looking from side to side, from piled up bags to worn out, pissed off Americans. She looked like a kid that got lost in the mall and didn't know which way to go, but knew it was her fault for running away into the candy store, occasionally shouting orders in Chinese to maintain and ensure her presence and power wasn't forgotten.

This seems to be a major theme in Chinese culture; to randomly shout tow or three syllables just to announce their presence. Last night at our first attempt to find dinner, on our own, in China. The 13 year-old kid, i-pod and cigarette in tow, who seemed to own or at least run the restaurant, would randomly scream 3 tones at the top of his high soprano voice. I would jump and look around to make sure the place wasn't on fire, and to see if he was giving the order for evacuation. Then I would calm down, and notice that the locals didn't even flinch an inch, and they were still slopping down their tin bowls of mystery mucus stew, with their mouths half an inch or less from their bowls. The soup itself was not bad, and was a close cousin to the American version of egg drop soup. This, more authentic, version was much thicker, and presented itself in the color and texture of the snot that flies across the room, after a really hard and loud sneeze. The taste was similar, but was later brightened by the older Chinese woman (owner I'm sure) putting a huge spoonful of hot sauce in my bowl, and motioning with her hands to her mouth, as if to say "now eat monkey."

The saving grace was what I have fondly come to refer to as the Chinese Hot Pocket. It was a small, thick and doughy pita pocket with spicy mystery meat. It resembled something my elementary school cafeteria would have concocted during Asian Heritage Month. Trying to be authentic, but not really having a clue how or what Chinese food is or looks like. Only this time, the Hot Pocket was awesome. It was medium spicy, with just enough kick. This is to be expected from the Sichuan region of China, otherwise known as the spicy food capital of the Far East. It was so good, I ordered a second one! So my snot soup (which I forgot to say had tofu) and 2 Chinese Hot pockets was 14 yuan, which equals just under $2. This for the regular Chinese would have been a feast, but for Chris Ketner was a small meal.

Everyone so far on the tour is amazing, even the kids and their moms are really great. Rebecca Stavis will probably keep me laughing until the day I die. She is probably funnier and talks more than I do, if that is humanly possible. My roommate Greg (whom I'm understudying) and I went exploring all around our area yesterday, while waiting for our room to be cleaned. We immediately went to Starbucks and got Latte's. We then walked through the streets, looking as cliche as possible. Two blond kids in jeans t-shirts and starbucks in hand...we might as well have screamed at the top of our lungs "We are AMERICAN." I greeted and said Ni Hao to as many people as possible. Somehow we took a left turn, literally, and found ourselves and in an open air market. This was something out of a legend or fairy tale. There were pig hearts and live eels and hanging legs and rib cages of animals hanging all above our heads and at our feet. It was amazing. I thought about buying something, or maybe trying some street food, but I decided that having my intestines explode, would not be great way to start my 8 months in China.

On that note, I'm declaring this a safe and bloody stool free adventure through a new and adventure promising place!